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Hi, I’m Geochick.

Welcome to my blog. What started out as a private blog to document our adoption journey has evolved into my journey through therapy and spiritual awakening. Without our struggles to build a family, I’m not sure I’d be waking up, and for that I’m grateful.

#Microblog Mondays - Reflections on a Year

This definitely feels like a year to reflect on given all that I’ve been going through emotionally. Here’s the rundown:

  • Jan 1, 2018 I started the New Year with a wicked case of Strep Throat. blah.

  • In February, I jacked my neck and back worse than it’s ever been before. I couldn’t turn my head, could barely drive and had to travel for work. It took several physical therapy sessions, chiropractic and FST to get it back to semi-normal.

  • After said neck jacking, SG, took the opportunity to push me harder to see this network chiropractor guy he knew. I’ll never forget SG asking me “Do you trust me?” I stared. “A little? 20%?”. I relented.

  • In March, I started network chiropractic 3x a week combining it with therapy once a week. After a month I added stretch back into the mix. Whoa. Where’s the time to work? We also took a big family vacation to France, the first of what I hope to be many adventures. It was fun, difficult, and exciting. I fell into depression partly because I was trying to reduce my celexa. Bad idea. I went back up to a full dose. In the starting stages of EMDR, I had to deal with a 360 degree review at work in which I was roundly attacked by a few people. They presented to me an image that I hated.

  • In April, SG offered the beginning of several things that pushed and pulled at me in different ways. An invitation to check out PSI was extended because he had completed a 3 day training, and was really excited about it. I freaked out, had the almost-firing talk with him and learned that he truly was offering this because it helped him and he wanted to help me. It led to me questioning why I was so resistant to letting him help me.

  • May was a blur of work, travel and struggling through all the therapies. EMDR was intense.

  • June found me traveling to Boston to meet my biological uncles. It was a strange trip for me and I was happy to have my brother with me to be the curious one. I mostly shut down my emotions just trying to get through it.

  • In July, struggling to make sense of the trauma coming up in EMDR and the emotions surrounding my visit to Boston, I shattered. For the first time, I reached out to SG for support outside his office and he was right there offering an ear. I couldn’t deal with my parents and a decision was made to put them on hold until September. I didn’t communicate that to them, instead just tried to fend off my mom’s inquiries.

  • In August, I finished EMDR and got shingles three days before my 100 mile bike ride I had been training for the whole season. I tried and succeeded in completing 73 of the 100 while the rest of my group finished the whole thing. I also had a fun and supportive email exchange with SG while I was hanging out waiting for S and the kids to show up at the finish line festival. One of many tiny steps toward accepting his help and support. I also had another work breakdown where after all the work I had been doing, I felt blindsided by negative feedback from a team member and my superior. After much introspection, I changed my outlook and requested to work part-time. It was the first time in my 20-year career that I made a decision for me instead of working towards pleasing a boss, or achieving a promotion.

  • September was Baby A’s birthday and we invited my parents. My dad ignored me and S and my mom acted weird. I felt emotionally strong enough to have a conversation with my mom that revealed some things and also showed me that right now, it isn’t enough.

  • In October I cut off communication with my parents. I also felt a shift to starting a transformation. I reached out to SG asking for more support and that was really hard to do, yet I knew I needed to lean on him. He happily responded and it signaled another shift in our relationship. I started working part time, and it wasn’t the super relaxing schedule I hoped it would be.

  • In November, I found the source of anxiety surrounding SG. More growth, more vulnerability, and more sharing. He shared that he himself got to a point where he almost fired me as a client. Growth on both sides! We both pushed through our respective crap to be able to support each other. I attended Soul Speaks.

  • In December, I finally caved and attended a PSI informational meeting with my therapist’s blessing. I had an anxiety attack, SG was supportive through it, and I realized I need to be doing  shit that scares me the most. So I signed up for the 3 day training in February. We had our Christmas the way we wanted it and it was fun and relaxing.

Wow. What a year!

Spiritual Awakening and a Word for 2019

My Husband, the Unicorn