….and that’s it in a nutshell.
Part of me really wants to make this whole career-thing work. Why? Oh, to prove I can do it, reach the leadership level, help run the organization, encourage changes to process, be aligned with my training. Part of me has been carrying an idea for months, not really acknowledging it, not really saying it out loud, and certainly not doing anything about it.
I don’t know where I’ll ultimately end up, say 20 years from now, but I tell you, the push and pull of each is exhausting and anxiety inducing. The past 2 weeks I’ve been dealing with a lot of anxiety around this idea and while I’ve talked to a few people about it, I’m not taking steps.
It’s safe to stay where I am, I know exactly which steps to take, and I know exactly how much money I’ll make! It’s a risk to move away from that safe, linear path. It feels huge, but it’s not in terms of whether I would be able to backpedal if needed given that I’ve built a hell of a safety net over 20 years. The risk is no longer holding tight to the identity I’ve held for so long and to let everything I feel now to come through.