This morning I woke up at 3:30am. After trying and failing to go back to sleep, here I am at 5:00am sitting at my dining room table with coffee cursing the fact that anxiety and my stiff/sore body woke me up. But really, anxiety is what kept me awake. Ugh.
“I think you’re expecting a 20-car pileup, and it might be more like a fender bender”
That’s a quote from Therapist #3 as I sat in her office a few weeks ago dreading the impending crash that I knew was going to come at some point. I had been flying high since the Basic, was well aware that what goes up must come down and was really scared I would bottom out.
The crash came….and then it went. I was pretty down for a few days struggling with self-worth, and the breathing workshop didn’t do much to help, other than to stir up some weird shit. Then I had a stretch appointment and during it SG asked if he could do an energy healing on me around my heart chakra. Seems that talking about how I saw a dark and scary thing and I told it to go away prompted him to think, “oh hey, she might actually be open to this idea”. He didn’t touch me during it, but I felt a pulling sensation around my chest and base of my throat, almost like watching taffy being pulled. While I didn’t feel much different physically after, I was emotional. Later on, I noticed that I felt lighter and calmer, and that feeling carried through to the next day.
And with that, the crash was over.
The anxiety I’m feeling now seems to be situational and centered around my last post. There’s something else in that encounter with the psychic that came up and I’m not sure if I want to share. I talked to S about it and that helped a little. I can’t tell if this is something that I just need to notice and let go, acknowledging that things have been set in motion long before I even knew what was going on and it further illustrates that meeting SG was not chance. If I think about it that way, then yeah, I should be able to let it go as an interesting observation. Except that it’s not me, I need to process all of these weird things that have been happening to me in minute detail. Sounds like a challenge to work on letting it go.
Really wish I had therapy before stretch today instead of after! Damn, set that up wrong!