Check out this post if you’re thinking, what the hell is she talking about?
Normally, this is every other week, but we had a back to back week due to rescheduling the first session. This one, I had low energy. Seasonal allergies are kicking my ass, I’m tired from stress, fatigued from workouts, yada yada yada. Today we had a smaller group as we were missing 2 people and it led to 3 turns. A lot transpired in the 3 hours I was there, but the last turn I took was the most impactful for me, so I’m going to share that one. Our teachers have invited us to take silent turns and because I wasn’t feeling awesome, I made it a goal of sorts to do a silent turn today. I tried on the first round, and made it halfway before getting anxiety, talked through the anxiety, identifying that I was feeling a twisting in my gut and then talking about something that needed to come out. I talked all the way through the 2nd turn spurred on by what had come out on the second half of my 1st turn. On the 3rd turn, I got up in front of everyone, and this is what transpired:
I was drawn to the idea of a silent turn again. I went into it with an idea that if I really wanted to talk it would come up. It never did. When I felt the anxiety seeping in this time, I checked in with myself. “Do I want to talk?” “No.” I started to play a game, holding someone’s gaze for two breaths before moving on to the next person and taking note of how many times I went around the group. It helped to take my mind off the idea that I should talk. Every time I checked in with myself, nope, didn’t want to talk, and I honored that. It was exhilarating to be able to stand still, being with one person at a time. At the end of my turn, the phrases describing my essence spoken by women in the group blew me away:
- ready, willing, artful
- sleek precision and pure joy. (Image: joy riding in a red Ferrari)
- riding a bike downhill with no hands, freedom, pure joy, daring
- present and precious
- regal and poetic
- great mix of vulnerability and feminine power, striking, riveting, fabulous
All of these words are what others saw in me as I stood there silent in front of them.
The takeaway I had from this week’s group is this idea of sisterhood. Way back when, SG made some comments about many people being out there who have similar backgrounds/fears/experiences and that was at a time when I felt like I was on a deserted island. It hit me tonight. YES. What I experienced today from women in this group were thoughts, feelings, worries and fears that resonate so much with me. We are all together in this shit, just trying to survive. Beneath the armor, we are all the same.
And I? I am Feminine Power. I am Funky. I am Artsy. I am Stunning. I am Radiant. I am Magnetic. I am Rich. I am Feisty. I am Curious. I am Seeking. I am Riveting. I am Kickass Sweet Sassyness.
There’s more to unpack there...