I was leaving a comment on another #MicroblogMondays post in which Isabelle was talking about the blogs that have gone silent or been shut down and that prompted me to scroll back through my blog to find my very first post.
It was May 27, 2009. I have all the feels. I started this blog as a way to keep in touch with a few women I met on Fertility Friend as I was struggling through the realization that we were not going to “just get pregnant”, and it was password protected for a while. Then I ditched the password and started finding other blogs: Creating a Family, Stirrup-Queens and LavenderLuz are where it all started! Now I have in my Feedly, like many others, a long list of blogs that aren’t updated anymore, although I’m happy to have made friends with some through Twitter and Facebook and even in real life. I changed blog names, and I got myself a domain after using Blogger for several years, but I’ve never attended a blogging conference or looked into “how to blog”. I just write as often or as infrequently as I want about whatever I want, and I’ve almost shut it down multiple times. Yet, here I am 10 years later.
My next step is to open up my identity and own it. Most of the people I know in real life don’t know I have a blog, or if they do, I’ve always dismissed it as an infertility and adoption blog, and I’d pretend that they had already heard enough from me so I wouldn’t offer it up to be read. That was me telling myself my story doesn’t matter, that if the people reading this blog were strangers, it was somehow better than my friends and family reading it. This space has always been a warm comfortable anonymous blanket I could wrap myself in and be vulnerable so that I didn’t have to show up in real life. I could spew all the feelings and frustrations here then try to stuff them all down inside my armor in the real world.
So thank you, dear readers for telling me that I matter, that my story resonates with you and encouraging me to keep moving forward.
It’s time for me to take a leap.