I’m well aware that all the spiritual things I’m doing at the moment are seen as cultural appropriation and I struggle a ton with that. I feel the yoga classes I attend are intertwined spiritually and physically and are taught in a respectful way. Other things that I’m finding myself drawn to that feel right as I open my awareness are energy work and meditating with crystals (I really want to call them minerals because that’s what they are. Minerals have crystalline structure ;- ) there’s my geology degree!). When I learned meditation at the workshop S and I attended, she did it with nothing. I asked about malas and I have to say seeing an Asian Indian woman’s response to “what are malas” was eye-opening. She was immediately dismissive, and I thought…oh…what, where did they originate? That reaction gave me pause.
So, here I am, finally open to the ideas of Universal interconnectedness and rhythms, yet feeling the resistance of “I shouldn’t be doing this because of this and this and this.” Pointing to appropriation makes it easy for me to fall back to the default position that I must act and do a certain way. I’m White, I shouldn’t meditate: I’m White, I shouldn’t practice yoga: I’m White, I shouldn’t seek shamanic energy healing, especially from another White person. I’m White, I shouldn’t learn moon ceremonies. I’m White, what was wrong with Christianity, it’s for White people (oh wait…no…) I mean, really, we can go all day here.
There’s no conclusion to this post, because I don’t have an answer, and I’m not seeking an answer. It’s an ongoing process of learning. Parsing out the voices in my head telling me I’m wrong vs. what and who I’m being drawn to.