A year ago, I sat on my living room floor shattered. It wasn’t a significant event that triggered it, but more of an awareness that I couldn’t go on in the same way. Starting in the spring I was traveling a lot for work, I was burned out in my job, family interactions were becoming more difficult, I met my biological uncles, the EMDR work had shook emotions loose and all of the sudden I was feeling a whole lot that I had been shutting down. I struggled with being overwhelmed by the emotions and kept wanting to shut down to stop the overwhelm. At that point, all I could do was keep going with Therapist #3, Dr. M and SG to keep my head above water. I was seeing Dr. M and SG weekly, which helped to keep me from shutting down completely, move some of the emotions through and continued to help my back release tension. Working with Therapist #3 helped me process what was affecting me day to day, all the fear that was coming up.
It’s exactly a year later, and even though I got depressed recently, it was largely because I didn’t take care of myself after staffing the seminar and some emotional stuff got stuck. That was no fun, but at least I have a better idea of what to do when I staff again so that I don’t get so emotionally exhausted I collapse. I’ve been rollercoastering since then, but it’s different. Like I’m going through the ups and downs really fast, the downs last a day or two or even hours. I finally have tools to use to help me get out of whatever funk I find myself in. I still need to see Dr. M frequently, but he tells me I’m moving through the process fast, and some weird sensations have happened during the adjustments that are new (feeling like I’m falling, feeling like I’m in between sleep and awake, seeing shadowy figures, twitching of my muscles…my body and mind has been hella active as I lay face down on a chiropractor table for 20 minutes) I’ve been able to start energy healing with SG, which was totally NOT on the table last year. Too weird, too emotional, too out in left field. Ha. Left field is looking kind of inviting now and I’ve been letting go of all the shoulds and shouldn’ts and rights and wrongs.